I normally don't like emails that are circulated, but this one, from my FC was cute.
- We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
- I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
- If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
- A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
- Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
- I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
- You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive again.
- Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
- I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
- There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
- When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
- To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.



















