Recently in Humor Category

The Unhappy Hipsters just slay me!

Related articles

• Unhappy Hipsters (socialhallucinations.com)


• Interview with the Unhappy Hipster (trueslant.com)


• Unhappy Hipsters' parody Web site is a hit (seattletimes.nwsource.com)

• Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?
• Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
• Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
• Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
• Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
• Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
• You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
• Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
• If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
• If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

I was having a perfectly good morning being all productive and everything. Then I headed on over to my RSS feed reader to catch up on "stuff." I hadn't cruised the feeds for a couple of days, so things were out of control—thousands of feed posts were lurking there demanding to be read.

I started with my personal reads and came across a video link from Ellison's blog to a short Valentine's film by some guy named zefrank. It was crazy funny! I laughed out loud. Who ever this Ze guy is, his sense of humor really resonates with me.

I wish he hosted his short videos on a traditional site that allowed you to embed them. I'd share some with you from time to time because, well... now I've subscribed to yet another feed! But, since he doesn't, check them out at the links.

I also liked several others, like this one. Now an hour of laughter has passed, and I'm blaming Elisson!

I usually hate chain emails that are supposed to be funny but aren't. But every once in a while one comes along that is hysterical. Here is one:

You know the economy is bad when:

• I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
• If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
• Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
• Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
• A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
• Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
• The Mafia is laying off judges. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
• I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Two hysterical important press releases from the Borowitz Report:

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - One day after announcing that she would be a commentator on the Fox News Channel, the network revealed that former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin's appearances would be simulcast in English.

"We are delighted that Gov. Palin will, for the first time, be understandable to the English-speaking audience," said Fox News chief Roger Ailes. "This should create a whole new fan base for her."

Gov. Palin praised the decision, adding, "I know many Americans will be interested in understanding what I have to say and I will also too."

In a related story, Fox said it had "no interest" in hiring funnyman Conan O'Brien, explaining, "Sarah Palin takes care of our comedy needs.""

And also:

THE BOROWITZ REPORT - Just hours after saying that God was punishing Haiti for making a "pact with the Devil," televangelist Pat Robertson retracted the statement, telling TV viewers, "Haiti? I thought they said 'Hades.'"

Rev. Robertson said that he had heard the report of the earthquake on the radio and had misinterpreted its location: "For the life of me, I thought God was punishing Hades, which does in fact have a pact with the Devil."

Apologizing for his "goof," the televangelist told his TV audience, "Golly - people must've thought I was being an insensitive asshole.""

[Source: Fox: Palin's Appearances to be Simulcast in English - Borowitz Report.]

You know we live in a different era when people don't know the names of their neighbors but get interesting messages from them through the names of their WiFi networks.

Several of these I hadn't heard of before reading this post: shovel-ready? bromance? chillaxin? (I watch too little TV to be literate I guess.) But I must confess, I too frequently grow weary of buzz. Who, after all, are the buzz makers?

At first, the word or phrase is an interesting twist of language that expresses a sentiment meaningful in the moment. But, like most pop songs, it's only interesting the first 50,000 times you hear it and quickly descends into a noisy backdrop you simply try to ignore.

With the mass consumption of mass culture through mass communication, the life cycle of chichi, buzz, au courant, trendy, and chic is as short as that of a mosquito and equally as annoying while flitting about hunting for a victim. The article includes a few quotations for each word from people who nominated the word for inclusion on the list. Some are witty.

• Shovel-Ready
• Transparent/Transparency
• Czar
• Tweet
• App
• Sexting
• Friend As A Verb
• Teachable Moment
• In These Economic Times….
• Stimulus
• Toxic Assets
• Too Big To Fail
• Bromance
• Chillaxin'
• Obama-prefix or roots?

[List source: Lake Superior State University :: Banished Words List :: Banished Words List.]

I've decided to finally break my silence on one of the burning issues of our day: Tiger Woods! (so NOT!!)

Seems AT&T dropped Tiger.

Big deal.

AT&T drops my calls all the time!

I received these in an email and had to share them...

I received these in an email and had to share them...

Funny guy. How dare he slap people in the face with their own hypocrisy. He supposedly was going to interview people in front of WalMart about defending traditional marriage and then, when they blubbered on about their support, ask them to sign his petition banning divorce. He says he's confident they will support his bill because it's not about taking their rights away. It's about defending traditional marriage. Hysterical. I wonder how things are going.

Rob Cockerham interviewed John Marcotte, a Sacramento man who filed a petition with the California Secretary of State to get a voter's initiative onto the 2010 ballot in California that would make it ban divorce"

(Via Interview with John Marcotte, author of bill to ban divorce - Boing Boing.)

We all know shoplifting is illegal. But what about shopdropping?

In shoplifting, the thief takes something from the marketplace without paying for it. In shopdropping, the person, in this case an artist, places items in the store inventory for people to purchase and makes no money from the sale.

On Black Friday, an artist, Michele Pred, did this very thing at IKEA. She took 10 of her paintings into the store with IKEA with "IKEA price tags" and placed them on the sales rack. They all sold that weekend.

The painting itself is a barcode that reads, "You are what you buy."

Funny!

Oddly enough, this info graphic came through on my professional Twitter feed today. And yes, I really laughed out loud at the simply stated fact of the matter.

Don't you just hate it when this happens?!

You can not imagine my delight:  the new Crème de La Crêpe restaurant has now opened in Manhattan Beach. Their food is authentic French cuisine and utterly divine.

Toward the end of a perfect meal: a crepe with white wine sauce (an elixir from the gods) and a Nutella, banana, strawberries, creme crepe dessert, the person sitting across the table from me made the most jarring, unexpected, loud sound combination of a mouth-wide-open burp and a hiccup.

The entire restaurant paused for a moment of stunned, jaw-dropped bewilderment at what had just been unleashed on humanity. Personally, I lay prostrate on the floor, arm extended straight up with a single condemnatory finger pointing across the table.

Now I can not be seen in town for weeks!

I loved this card! The message reads: Happy Halloween, old fart!

With the economic downturn and all, this was cute. I had no idea sandwiches were that inexpensive!

The Sandwich Calculator

The puppeteers of the wacko, extremist conservatives that get trotted out in the media every time they want to brainwash Americans don't really fear Obama.

They fear education. They fear enlightenment. They fear a citizenry that is more difficult to manipulate for profiteering because, well... they think critically.

Yes, their favorite word is "fear!" It's what they do best.

Image Source: The Times Tribune

This is like watching a horror film.

OK... well, a lot crazy! The video is too weird not to watch. It sums up a lot of what is wrong with advertising!

I recently needed to replace my toothbrush. I only have a few criteria in this order of importance:

• Medium bristles
• Some plastic or rubberized bristles
• Comfortable, over-sized grip
• Colorful and cheery

I was having a most difficult time locating brushes with medium bristles. Almost all of them were soft. The soft bristles don’t work well for me and certainly don’t last. The only one I could find didn’t have any plastic bristles and, of all things, was battery powered!

What? A battery powered toothbrush? How ecologically responsible is this? But, needing the medium bristles above all else, I decided to get it.

The vibrating brush is novel if nothing else. But what I found shocking is the fact that 2 of the 3 other toothbrushes in the house were also battery powered, and I had no idea. All this time I could have vibrated my teeth, and yet I didn’t realize my toothbrushes were electrified. One of them even has spinning bristles (pictured here).

I just thought the thicker handles were a fad. Little did I know.

I love this! Unfortunately they are not available for purchase. And why not? Someone should set up a website in which you design and purchase your own.

I think I would change the one about ants to: "Look twice. Save a life. Ants are everywhere."

For just $14.95, who could resist?

Real Men don't use wimpy pizza wheels! The Pizza Boss 3000 is a super rugged circular saw, er ... pizza slicer made from tough engineering-grade plastics and laser-etched stainless steel blade that will blast through pepperoni, extra cheese, and even those pesky anchovies.

Give your favorite man this Pizza Boss 3000 as a "guy gift" and perhaps he'll make you dinner. Pizza, of course.

Via Neatorama

It's as much "the look" as the wry perspective. I suspect he was more than just a personality, he was a force of good. Here are a few quotations you might enjoy:

• Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
  
• Whenever you find out you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.
• All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, then success is sure.
• Go to heaven for the climate. Hell for the company.
• I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts.
• Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
• Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
• Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
• I have never taken any exercise expect sleeping and resting.
• Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

For those who don't know, and therefore don't get it, the code on the left of the tower turns italics on in a browser, and the code on the right turns it off.